Solo travel is not just for singles
Honestly, this has been quite the controversial topic around me. Mainly because there is just such a double standard when it comes to allowing other people to solo travel when in a relationship. So, here’s a little disclaimer for this blog: If you can’t handle your spouse travelling without you or if you think you have the right to keep your partner from doing so, just because you are in a relationship (Given that we’re talking healthy relationships with mutual trust here)… than please do not read this. Because you will not agree with me, it’s as simple as that.
Solo travelling is normal for me, but apparently people in our environment find it very special. Not only do they say that they couldn’t do it, but most of them already have their opinion ready. Because for some reason, women should be allowed by their boyfriends and husbands to travel alone or make that bike trip with a friend. Even from the opposite sex… But God forbid when a man goes for a trip with a female friend… That’s like dangling a steak in front of a hungry dog according to most. What the F?
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re joined at the hip
Do you know those couples who always show up together and never do anything for themselves once they’re in a relationship? That’s super sweet and all! But not for me. I value my time alone too much for that and I will just as easily travel Europe alone as I would with a friend or partner. Heck I’ve been to the states by myself because I wanted to. And whether I spend time alone in my home office or in Italy, it shouldn’t make a difference.
Why solo travelling is so important to me
In short: I had two little darlings of exes who were so insecure about themselves that I couldn’t even go to the gym without getting into a fight at home. Because I smelled like sweat so I must have cheated. Like I wasn’t just doing 220 on a legpress or RDL’ing until failure. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg because I also got cPTSD from them. And no people, PTSD and cPTSD are not just for soldiers. They also come from mental and domestic abuse from insecure and controlling partners that strip away everything you are with their fuckery.
Anyways, I almost went through the consequences of that relationship. I didn’t have a motorcycle. When I could buy one, I gave it up. Because I already had a headache from the excessive nagging before I even went to look. God fobid the fights I’d get into if I’d go riding with a man of the non-boobed gender.
Never again.
I can work fully remote, and my partner tells me pretty often that if I need a change of scenery I should go for it. But that works both ways. I can go on a motorcycle weekend with friends when my partner has to stay at home for his kids or other plans. And he can just go on a motorcycle weekend with his best buddy. Or have a nice day in Maastricht with a hotel overnight stay with a female friend of ours. Even if that friend turned out to be a backstabbing two-faced piece of shit with an agenda of her own. Who tried to seduce my partner, wreck a home with 2 kids involved and failed miserably. There’s easier ways to show the world and our gym community you’re a piece of shit honey.
Solo travel should also be possible when you’re in a relationship
To be fair, I know travelling solo for the first time will feel terrifying for so many reasons. I used to be scared to travel alone too, plus I really didn’t have the money to do it. Between paying for my student room and studying without an extra DUO loan, I was broke as shit.
And God forbid my controlling exes allowed me to travel alone at all. But going together wasn’t an option either because one of them had a chronic shortage of money and would steal mine. And the other one would sometimes gamble away a month’s salary online when he was high again. Both seemed like nice guys with a motorcycle license at the beginning of the relationship, right up until their true nature started showing.
So in 2021, when my boyfriend and I had been together for well over a year, I hesitantly asked him how he felt about me going on a solo trip with the dog for a week. At first, it seemed a bit strange, but after an hour he thought, why not? So I stripped down my car, built a bed in it, and I went for a week of driving through the Dolomites and yes, the Stelvio!
And he managed to get four days off as well and took our old ’87 Honda VFR to Denmark. We ended up calling each other every night, sharing what we did and where we were… and really missing each other as well. I mean my normal response to a phone call is more along the lines of “why are you bothering me?” (I REALLY hate phone calls with a passion) It wasn’t until last year that I dragged him to Italy on our motorcycles and got to show him several places where I lost my heart in 2021.
Freedom in a relationship goes both ways
Relationships are a two-way street. It’s giving and taking, and where I expect freedom, I will also give that freedom to my partner. Like everything in a relationship that takes more than a three-braincelled thought… It will require proper communication and it’s wise to sit down beforehand with your partner to discuss expectations. But the main question for me will always be “Why not?”.
Why can I do it? Simple, if someone wants to cheat, they will do it regardless. They don’t need a solo trip or weekend away for that. They can do it under the guise of the gym, overtime, parent-teacher conference, grocery shopping, just visiting a friend or even visiting grandma. And that applies just as much to women as it does to men. It has no use to limit someone’s freedom in that regard or to lock someone up in a relationship. If you trust each other, I think that should just be possible.
